Revival of Faith

For quite a long time she was found to be something like this in her room:

Ear-phones stuck in her ear, blaring some painful rock music, pillow lying on her head and eyes constantly pouring out salty water. She was crying a cry that seemed to stop nowhere and she didn’t even care to wipe off the tears maybe was too numb to think of it.

At this point of time precisely her mind thought: what is making her sob so badly?

Though it knew she’s going through some real time tough times but was she only crying because that someone wasn’t here with her anymore or was she really missing that someone or is it just a phase which will pass on and life will move on like it did in movies and in reality too.

As her mind could not really fix itself on any one situation or either of them, so it decided to talk to her and sort this in order to relieve itself out the confusion.
Her mind gathered all the courage inside itself, formed a formidable question and posed at her:

‘What is making you cry?’

But perhaps she did not interpret the question that well or maybe did not want to answer so in reply she said something like,
‘It has been days or weeks now, what does it matter now!
How long are my eyes going to shed this salty water!
Why doesn’t this pain go away! Why not! Why God! Why me!’

And so many other Whys too.

The mind thought, What is this way of answering a question with a new question!
But while thinking this, a second thought emerged in her mind as she again slowed her sobbing process.
And since second thoughts are thought to be more sensible, this might be one too.

She said out loud, ‘Hold on! Why am I crying?

Mind asked a new question,
‘Are you really missing that someone or are you crying because you are all alone here?’

‘I don’t know.’ She replied simply

The Mind continued to provoke her:
‘I think you are just crying because things did not go according to your wishes!’

But instead of getting provoked she started to assent with mind and said:

‘You are right! This was and is about me. I had always been thinking about me only, my wishes, my liking, my plans, my everything and nothing of anyone else!
I never strived to know what did you want, what did you wish or had planned.
No I never did!
And now I would never know because I will never see you again.’

All this talking time she had been constantly staring at the tiny round blue flower-pattern of the wallpaper, in fact she was staring so hard at the wall as if she was certain that her someone would emerge out of that wall somehow.

Another question shot at her by Mind:
‘Did you really love him?’

She was quiet.

So Mind started forming new thoughts inside her head and continued like this:

‘Well if you were to ask me, I dare say, No I don’t think so you ever did.
Because true love is said to be like a guiding hand, a steering force for your life and it keeps you moving and moving on the strange path of life towards your destination.
It makes you a strong by breeding an unshaken faith inside you.’

She continued to gaze at that tiny blue flower pattern.

And Mind continued its sermon:

‘And look at you! What have you become! You never felt that strong and now you are broken and shaken like the earthquake struck structure. .
You never really loved that someone because if you did there is no point acting like a weeping willow.’

Mind’s trick did seem to work now as she glanced back over her life thinking,

She was never in love with that someone but his lifestyle;
She admired his outer being and did not look inside,
She was a self-centered person whose ego had only grown.
She never shared his dreams for she had too much of her own.

..

And what is really the use of spilling real tears on something/someone when one never loved something/someone with true heart, and when one has been an egocentric person all their lives?

Immersed in variety of thoughts she was getting drowsy now as tedious businesses always put us to sleep.
But somewhere inside these thoughts made her content for she has finally reached a phase she has longing for and has got her answer lost long ago with her senses. But with the power of rationale inside her mind she learned how to revive her faith and this faith which is going to provide her with enough reasons to continue her journey of this life.

And at some point of time, one must learn to revive one’s self not only by mechanical tools, but by a sense tool present inside all of us and waiting to be reawakened by us.

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